lyrics - rorie kelly

JUMP TO: Shadow Work · Snowflakes & Starlight · Alternative Facts · Rising Rising Rising · Sincerely Live · Fall to Feel It · Wish Upon a Bottlecap · Autumn Has Gone

shadow work

Full Moon Charm Bracelet

Put this on a bracelet because the charm is just a memory now I have had all I can take of suffering & sacrifice now
I am not helping one single being when I count myself out
I am not doing myself a service when I push it all down

CHORUS: Goodbye, I’m letting go
Help me be brave ’cause I don’t know
Anything for certain anymore
But I know some things are worth it: being scared for I’m letting go I’m letting go I’m letting go
I’ll let you know I’ll let you know I’ll let you know How it goes

Now the moon is full again & this time I have done my homework Seems like I am always saying no but at the end of the day
I don’t know how to say just what it is I need to throw away
Or what I will replace it with so I stay & stay & stay

CHORUS

Goodbye to the anxious feeling that I have to be predictable comprehensible to everybody but me
Goodbye to believing overwork is the only way to get there I am living at a deficit, goodbye
To believing I’ll be free in one more year, twelve more months biding time until the stories get thin enough to let me out

Magic moments never come
So fine I’ll make the magic myself

CHORUS

black and white

I never wanna be under your protection again
Kind of protection that bends
People to your will
I never wanna fade into nothing again, or have to pretend, that I’m not Who I am

CHORUS:
Crack, boom
Steal all my color leave me standing here black & white Crack, boom
The only time I ever went down without a fight
Black & white
Black & white

I’m sick of the repercussions in my mind, who am I
If I don’t have to fight
I stood for myself & what I knew was right, but inside You stayed in my mind

CHORUS

I don’t wanna know I don’t wanna know what came Scratching at my window last night
I don’t wanna run I don’t wanna run
I don’t wanna run but I really don’t wanna fight

I don’t wanna know the meaning behind those red red eyes I don’t wanna be a killer just to stay alive

CHORUS

lying streak

I try to put my heart in it but I just end up feeling stupid
I think that I was meant to be a weird old cat lady
I try to let go and just be myself
Has anyone ever found that helpful, I don’t
Even know who the real me is these days

I’m on a lyin streak
I didn’t mean to be
I’m hiding I’m hiding I’m hiding
Everything about the real me
Real me

I try to tell you who I am but it just ends up getting twisted
You walk away thinking something that was never what I meant
It was never my idea to go in any closets
People just stuff you in there in tight storage boxes
I fight my way out again and again and still you think it was me who was confused

I’m on a lyin streak
I didn’t mean to be
I’m hiding I’m hiding I’m hiding
Everything about the real me
Real me

This isn’t really my life, people make me nervous
This isn’t my real world, this is just a stepping stone
I build my life on truth, still I put on a mask every day
Only until I am strong enough, brave enough to go it alone

I’m on a lyin streak
I didn’t mean to be
I’m hiding I’m hiding I’m hiding
Everything about the real me
Real me

let you down

You wanted the conversation to be easier on me
You envisioned a rosier history for me and my family
And I didn’t want to let you down, no
I didn’t want to let you down, no
I didn’t want to let you down by telling you the truth

I’ve not walked the usual path and I have not regretted that
But just by going differently so many strangers have misread me
I do not attack your ways just by choosing my own
I do not eschew company, I just find myself alone

And I didn’t mean to let you down, no
I didn’t mean to let you down, no
I didn’t mean to let you down but don’t twist my words around

Don’t say the parts that you don’t like are not the real me
I am finished shielding you from what you don’t wish to see
So that you can feel more comfortable around me, go ahead
And be uncomfortable, it never killed anybody

Morning comes and i feel crazy, but I am so over assimilating
Your sarcastic punishments of my and others differences
Have been dismissed, I wish you well but not so well
That I’ll continue to let you put me and others through hell

I’m ready now to let you down and
I’m ready now to let you down and
I’m ready now to let you down, so don’t come back around

Please enjoy your normalcy, feel free to speak unkindly of me
‘Cause that says more of you than it will ever say of me

magick comin’

There are times when she knows that this life is not enough & all the dull platitudes in the world can’t make it so Working hard every day for the bills she still can’t pay
She RPGs late at night into someone else’s life

CHORUS:
Oh, there’s magick comin’
Oh, there’s magick comin’
Oh, there’s magick comin’; where you gonna be tonight? Oh, there’s magick comin’
Oh, there’s magick comin’
Oh, there’s magick comin’; get ready for the big surprise

When’s it gonna be my turn? When’s it gonna turn around? When am I gonna wake up happy, knowing what I found When’s it gonna turn around? When’s it gonna be my turn? When am I gonna wake up smiling, knowing what I learned

& she lays out the cards to see how the day will be
& she turns with a sigh, it’s another one of these
But the wind blows strong now, & she knows it’s only time Just a matter of time until she spreads her wings & flies

CHORUS

& she lays her head tonight, & she knows it’s still not time & she dreams with the power of a phoenix in flames
& she thinks she begins to understand what she has inside It’s not a thing to disavow, it’s not to fix, it’s not to tame

CHORUS

so much of me

You like to learn from your mistakes
But I don’t like to think about them
You live sometimes in your regret, but I just lock mine away in a deep dark cave What shadow self am I creating
Anger & humiliation
The only thing that saves me from her coming for me is is she’s lazy

CHORUS:
You’ve seen so much of me
& you still love me, & you still love me You’ve seen so much of me
& you still love me, & you still love me

You like the deck stacked in your favor
I don’t think you realize how much you lucked out with me
‘Cause I will beg & I will plead, I will fight & I will scream but I will never ever leave When I commit I commit, it is built into my skin, it is part of being me

CHORUS

I know it’s not easy
We both need the things we need but Every single morning
We try again, we try again

The best hug I ever had
Was in the morning after my birthday
I was so hungover & I had been so mean & you took care of me
You just held me & you held me, there is one way that you’re like me, when you commit, you commit

CHORUS

I know it’s not easy
You still love me, you still love me Every single morning
You still love me, you still love me

what we get

It’s time for a new voice
It’s time for a new moon
It’s time to stop waiting for the old men to make room It’s time to pass the flame & use the candle offered To burn down the gallows & the stocks
No I don’t believe
Without prisons we will monsters be
& if you do it says more of you than of me

& you say you want to see order restored
But I know it means that you don’t wanna have to hear it anymore You say that it’s about respect as the cop kneels on his neck
& if we can’t keep a civil tone we deserve what we get
We deserve what we get
We deserve what we get
We deserve what we get

You come with your half truths
& just like the half moon
The light & the shadows make nightmares fill the room It’s time to turn the lights on ’cause we can’t see the truth If we’re too scared to move
I won’t heed the cries
Of these privileged men so scandalized
There’s no time to argue just call a lie a lie

& you say that you want civility restored
But I know it means that you don’t wanna have to hear it anymore The water still runs poisonous in flint & you change the subject For you it’s academic, you’re just playing devil’s advocate
& we get what we get
& we get what we get
& we get what we get

this girl

Sorry but the schedule’s full right now Sorry but we found somebody else
Sorry but we can’t afford to pay you tonight Sorry had to cancel I hope it’s all right

I’m so far from all right
I’ve come out the other side

CHORUS:
& this girl won’t back down, won’t back down This girl won’t back down, oh
This girl won’t back down, won’t back down This girl won’t back down, oh

Sorry if it really went down like that
I had no idea
I guess it must have been painful for you
I guess you’re OK now
I guess I gotta suck it up & press on
I guess I’ll be all right
I guess the nightmares will remind me that I got to the other side ‘Cause I can’t live inside the past, the time just goes so fast

CHORUS

I learned you get punished for sticking ou
I learned to be strong & never shut my mouth I learned the resistance is fuel
I won’t let you make me a fool
I’ll use the resistance as fuel
I’ll use the resistance as fuel
I’ll use the resistance as fuel
I’ll use the resistance as fuel

CHORUS

up from here

Shall we talk about the loss of tiny objects
Very small specific parts, without which nothing can be fixed Shall we talk about mercury retrograde
It’s totally cool I love to put the past in perspective!
But now that we are back in the present
Everything in my life seems to be broken
Shall we talk about my psychological state
Let’s not play with fire here, it’s already been a long day

CHORUS:
You cannot be serious
The way you’re jerking me around
This bad luck is hilarious
‘Cause you can’t keep this fucker down You can’t keep this fucker down

Shall we talk about guitars & cars & bank accounts
It’s a Russian roulette! Where will the problem be today?
I am one headlight short of a bright outlook
That’s not a metaphor! I hope I don’t get pulled over! Anyway I’ll count my lucky stars that I am good in a crisis
& thank the universe for giving me so much practice

CHORUS

Don’t threaten me with a good time
I wouldn’t know what to do with it Everything will be just fine
As soon as I find my keys & my wallet

I can only go up from here I can only go up, up
I can only go up from here I can only go up, up

CHORUS

liminal spaces

I have a thing for liminal spaces
I get stuck inside them for ages
When you observe a particle the particle changes
But no one’s understanding when I change too, if you’re lookin

I had a book of dreams on my nightstand I always thought that I’d come back for it I had to prove that I could make rent
I had to prove I could do it my way

If you’d just believed me the first time, it wouldn’t have been so hard for me

Where are the moon sisters I was promised Where is the music monk I never got to be ‘Cause I got stuck chasing love from somebody ‘Cause I got stuck trying to chase money

I have a thing for piano players
I try to learn from the things I am drawn to
I try to learn why the moth inside me likes this particular flame So I don’t get burned again

I have a notebook, so many it’s embarrassing
I have a lot to say for someone so quiet everyone thinks that I’m a Stuck up bitch until they get to know me
& by the time they get to know me
I’m attached even if it’s wrong

Where is the knight of cups I was promised
I went all in & I got was this lousy discernment ‘Cause I got stuck chasing love from somebody ‘Cause I got stuck trying to chase money

It’s too late now
You can never take it back
It’s too late now
You can never get the years back It’s too late now
& the future looks exhausting

Where are the broken but good-hearted people Feel myself changing into something I don’t like ‘Cause I got stuck chasing love from somebody ‘Cause I got stuck trying to chase money

I have a thing for liminal spaces
I get stuck inside them for ages
When you observe a particle the particle changes I can barely recognize the particle I’ve become

snowflakes & starlight

bring on the snow

Bring on the snow
I’ve got to go
It’s time to go home
Bring on the snow
I won’t take no for an answer
I’ve got to go home

I thought I knew where this road would lead me
I thought I knew what my life would be by now
EBut it all fell through

What I need is some time to just be
With the people who know and love me
But it all fell through

Bring on the snow
I won’t take no for an answer
I’ve got to go home

I’m all alone
No car no phone
But I’ve got to go home

I have never been scared of challenges
I like the feeling of stepping up to fight
For my right to survive

But this road had another plan for me
And I’ve never been one to admit defeat
But at least I tried

and you opened your door and your heart to me
and made me believe in possibilities
and my bad luck led me here under the mistletoe
so here’s to my bad luck here’s to the snow

Bring on the snow
I’ve got to go
It’s time to go home

Bring on the snow
I won’t take no for an answer
I’ve got to go home

what are you wishing for?

Hot cider on a cold cold night
And I am feeling alive
Let’s get together round a big old tree
Come light a candle and sing with me

Fa la la la la, you look lovely tonight
Fa la la la, what are you wishing for this year?
Fa la la la la, it feels so magic and bright
Fa la la la, the thing that I am wishing for is right here

All the stress of the past few months
Settling onto my skin like frostbite
I need to feel like a kid again
Watch my breath fog in the starlight

Fa la la la la, you look lovely tonight
Fa la la la, what are you wishing for this year?
Fa la la la la, it feels so magic and bright
Fa la la la, the thing that I am wishing for is right here

Right here, right now
So much snow on the ground
Not going anywhere tonight
Right now, right here
Finally my head is clear
I know what I really want
What I want this year

Fa la la la la, you look so lovely tonight
Fa la la la, what are you wishing for this year?
Fa la la la la, it feels so magic and bright
Fa la la la, the thing that I am wishing for is right here

ride it out

You gotta ride, ride it out
‘Cause you can’t hide from life
You gotta ride, ride it out
But I’ll be by your side
So let’s ride

Baby I know you’ve been holding it all inside
And I’m not gonna be the one to push you, want you to take your time
But when those colored lights twinkle in your eyes, I hope you’ll chance a glance at mine
And I hope you see, beneath the tree that I’ve been waiting this whole time
And I hope you’ll take me for a ride

You gotta ride, ride it out
‘Cause you can’t hide from life
You gotta ride, ride it out
But I’ll be by your side
So let’s ride

Baby I know it’s like yesterday, five years ago
And I know you wanna take it all back somehow and you can’t let go
You see your mother’s ghost everywhere you go – but there’s one thing she knows for sure
That there was nothing you could have done to change the past, and the future’s yours
It’s yours

The world’s an uncertain place when you step beyond your gate
Anything can happen anytime, you can’t hide from fate
But if it makes you nervous slip your hand inside of mine
I’ll be right here beside you, one step at a time
If you’ll join me on this ride

…ride it out
’cause you can’t hide from life
You gotta ride, ride it out
And I’ll be by your side
So let’s ride

alternative facts

why are you telling me lies, why would you lie lie lie
i won’t get any sleep tonight, all my dreams will be full of lies

i can’t take the disrespect anymore, i’m intelligent
i can look up facts
i can’t believe they put a man like you in charge of anything
it’s terrifying
i won’t take the disrespect anymore, when you judge me
i’ll just judge you back
life is short and you are short sighted and i’ve better things
to do than argue with you

why are you telling me lies, why would you lie lie lie
i won’t get any sleep tonight, all my dreams will be full of lies

i can’t take the disrespect anymore, i’m a human
not a defective barbie doll
i can’t believe how you can get away with treating women
like toys of convenience
i won’t take the disrespect anymore, if you grab me
i will make you pay
i’m a new york girl and i’ve been forced to strategize
against men who lie lie lie

think we don’t know what we’re mad about
you’re gonna find out you will find out
first they came for everyone who didn’t
look like them, pray like them, love like them

well i will see your ugly lies
and i will raise you one informed population
passion, information
tell me who runs the nation
guess what you have awakened with your lies

for every single lie, one more person will get organized
i won’t get any sleep tonight, way too woke to buy your lies

rising, rising, rising

lady of the harvest moon

i’ve been good
i’ve been really good
i’ve been shedding my slave skin

& i am packed, & i am ready
so come on baby… let me in

said you wanted to know
how bright moonlight could go
i’m your lady of the harvest moon, so come on turn me up
said you wanted to hear
well i’m loud & i’m clear
& the moon’s gonna rise tonight, right here

you said, “do you believe in fate?”
& i said “i don’t know, & i don’t care.
i believe in where my heart is
& i just make sure my fate follows me there.”

said you wanted to know
how bright moonlight could go
i’m your lady of the harvest moon, so come on turn me up
said you wanted to hear
well i’m loud & i’m clear
& the moon’s gonna rise tonight, right here

thank you for moonlight & fire, fire
thank you for all that inspires, spires
thank you for the love of my life
& no compromise

said you wanted to see
through that big mystery
well it’s driving through your every day, so come on open your eyes
said you wanted to hear
well i’m loud & i’m clear
& the moon’s gonna rise tonight, right here

said you wanted to know
how bright moonlight could go
i’m your lady of the harvest moon, so come on turn me up
said you wanted to hear
well i’m loud & i’m clear
& the moon’s gonna rise tonight, right here

the weather

they’re giving out diagnoses like they’re halloween candy
they’re building a market & a nation of addicts
& we all owe our smiles to the company

all dressed up & no one to care about
you ask me how the job is going
it’s going, it’s going, don’t worry, i say

so how d’you deal with the weather up here?
it’s always bright & a little frenetic
it’s always dry & cool & clear
it always makes my heart beat off beat

& i’m flipping off the guy on the subway who’s angry
’cause men walk down the street with other men
he says, “god is pissed, & he’s coming, he’s coming…”

& on the train with nice shoes & shiny nails
something in your hair to make it stay like that
you look sharp & ready, so i guess the pills are working

so how d’you deal with the weather up here?
it’s always bright & a little frenetic
it’s always dry & cool & clear
it always makes my heart beat off beat

it’s always sunshine
earlier & earlier these days
can’t you see it baby, this is what you get for being so good
sunshine, sunshine
can’t you see it, keep trying, keep trying

it must be you
it must be you
we all can see it
it must be you

so how d’you deal with the weather up here?
it’s always bright & a little frenetic
it’s always dry & cool & clear
it always makes my heart beat off beat

don’t give in

i’m not gonna pay big pharma to make me sicker
i already pay the president to make nice with them
i’m not gonna pay the beauty industry to make me feel ugly
call me crazy i’ve got better ways to spend my money

it never ends, it never ends, it never ends, it never ends
don’t give in, don’t give in, don’t give in
don’t give in, don’t give in, don’t give in, you’re beautiful

i’m not buying your white suburban boys club just because you’re a democrat
sorry mister, i’m not gonna buy into that
i’m not gonna obey-bey-bey your facebook ad to change my tummy
i’m not gonna hand over my self esteem or any of my money

it never ends, it never ends, it never ends, it never ends
don’t give in, don’t give in, don’t give in
don’t give in, don’t give in, don’t give in, you’re beautiful

they want to delete your heart
they want to control your mind
they want to possess your body, body, body
they’ll never get your heart
they’ll never get your mind
they’ll never get your body, body, body

don’t give in, don’t give in, don’t give in
don’t give in, don’t give in, don’t give in, you’re beautiful

if you teach a bird to sing

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn how to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

you think you’ve got it,
cage of brass & a lock & a key
you think she’s too dumb to set herself free
but the fact that you’re locking her up shows you’re the dummy

you think you’re all of that & a bag full of chips
but you’ve gotta control just to get your kicks
& the fact that you like it like that shows you’re the dummy

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn how to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

singing is 50% confidence
& when i’m confident i won’t be content
just to hang around & be your pretty little plaything

& you try to pretend it’s the way that i am
that i’m built this way, just to wanna please
but i’ve got some ideas of my own that don’t include you

’cause i see sky out my window
& the sun is rising rising rising
just like i will

’cause i see sky out my window
& the sun is rising rising rising
just like i will

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn how to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

& i see sky out my window
& the sun is rising rising rising
just like i will

searchlights

stella is the drink of choice for young ladies in brooklyn
as usual, i play harder & sing louder
as usual, i don’t mind

i’ve got a staring problem in the subway, at the bar
want to make sure that i don’t miss the one that i’m supposed to meet
throw on the searchlights

throw on the searchlights, peer with my bad eyes
i know you’re out there baby, i’m gonna find you
throw on the search lights, peer with my bad eyes
i know you’re out there baby, i know you’re somewhere

will they be dressed in black & singing under their breath
hey summer, where you been? or b-13
will they be ordering a guinness even though they really
don’t mind stella at all, like me
throw on the searchlights

throw on the searchlights, peer with my bad eyes
i know you’re out there baby, i’m gonna find you
throw on the search lights, peer with my bad eyes
i know you’re out there baby, i know you’re somewhere

minor chords & lots of words for young ladies in brooklyn
i would have felt at home five years ago
as usual, i’m still driving around looking for home

throw on the searchlights, peer with my bad eyes
i know you’re out there baby, i’m gonna find you
throw on the search lights, peer with my bad eyes
i know you’re out there baby, i know you’re somewhere

throw on the searchlights, peer with my bad eyes
i know you’re out there baby, i’m gonna find you
throw on the search lights, peer with my bad eyes
i know you’re out there baby, i know you’re somewhere

coyote

coyote faced down the gods, she said:
y’all throw things at me & you call it lessons.
& i’m big enough now to find my own path on.
it’s a conscious choice, it’s my own little voice
between my cute, pointy ears.

& i’m gone on the road, road, road
it’s a long way go, go, go
so i’d best be getting on

you know the world’s the same color when you lose your faith
& time marches on when you lose your place
& i’m just about done now hiding myself away
so i’mma make the rounds, i’mma paint the town
all the colors in my pretty little head.

& i’m gone on the road, road, road
it’s a long way go, go, go
so i’d best be getting on

sometimes people have issues with guilt ’cause they’re secretly jerks
& then they try to make you feel bad when you start to figure it out
coyote don’t play that game no more
coyote don’t play that game no more
no fear, no regrets, just a settled score
coyote don’t play that game no more

& she’s gone on the road, road, road
it’s a long way go, go, go
& i’m gone on the road, road, road
it’s a long way go, go, go
so i’d best be getting on

face not in the crowd

everyone’s wearing the same lovely face suddenly
my eyes scan the contours of the crowd for something new
distractions, revisions of bullet points
must be kind, must be feminist, must be smart & engaging like you
but must live close to my city, too

now here comes the glare of the sun again
what’s my excuse this time?
i’m stumbling over my words again
trying so hard to find something mine

i’m principled, i am not made of stone, it is not the same thing
everyone else just forgets this about me
now i wanna feel like myself again
but i smile & laugh this stupid social laugh; there is nothing that’s funny at all
i only wanna tell the truth now, anymore

now here comes the glare of the sun again
what’s my excuse this time?
i’m stumbling over my words again
trying so hard to find something mine

the city, the water
the pull, this is who i am
so confusing to others
alone in a crowd again

there i go leave it unsaid again
what’s my excuse this time?
you’re being cute & i’ve fled again
saying there’s just no time

here comes the glare of the sun again
what’s my excuse this time?
i’m stumbling over my words again
trying so hard to find something mine

supermoon

supermoon above my head, summer’s trying to call me
but my ears are still too deaf from the bands after me
she’s trying to guide me home but
the closest thing i ever found to home is just the LIE

just me & nancy driving on the LIE, maybe 1:30
too tired to watch my speed
i got a place i keep my cat & my guitars, i’ve got a key
but when’s the last time one of these apartments felt like home to me

turn the key
go to sleep
i’m good at living anywhere

i fall in love with art & then reality disappoints me
& i am such an american, i do my best living in dreams
she’s trying to guide me home but when i am actually at home
i am alone, & i’m not really home

turn the key (it’s almost morning)
go to sleep (i hear them calling)
i’m good at being temporary

oh, oh, always never really
oh, oh, always never really

my car alone in the parking lot, speakers mic stand & CDs
windows down ’cause it gets so hot, ’cause i never fix the AC
you try to teach me home but ohio never did it for me
& you know new york is never faithful to anybody

turn the key (it’s almost morning)
go to sleep (i hear them calling)
i’m good at being temporary

so i will take the road less traveled, ’cause that is what i do best
& keep looking for kindred spirits, for help when i need to rest

everywhere i go

i don’t wanna feel this way
i don’t wanna know what’s happening
i want the future like a bright certain thing
& the night wind to carry me away on wings

but did you know that

everywhere i go, i see you now
everywhere i go go go
still i want it, just a little, can we work it out out out

do you dream to get away or do you dream to make something happen
do you wanna make your life one big game of i don’t wanna feel this way
doesn’t really matter either way, i already know my own way

everywhere i go, i see you now
everywhere i go go go
still i want it, just a little, can we work it out out out
everywhere i go, i see you now
& it’s getting so so so
still i want it just a little, can we work it out out out

do you think about me at night, or do i even enter into it
you don’t like my brand new jealousy, & let me tell you babe:
you’re not the only one
i’m not trying to, trying to trying to feel this way

say say say it’ll be be be all right right right right
say say say it’ll be be be all right right right right

& the hardest time to be kind is when you’re hurt
& that’s why when you fight it only gets worse
& the hardest time to listen is when you’re yelling
& we both know but we did it anyway
& we both know but we did it anyway
& we both know but we did it anyway, anyway

everywhere i go, i see you now
everywhere i go go go
still i want it, just a little, can we work it out baby?
everywhere i go, i see you now
& it’s getting so so so
still i want it just a little, can we work it out out
still i want it just a little, can we work it out out
still i want it just a little, can we work it out out out

i got this

i wanna be the future of a movement
all my life’s been leading up to this
i wanna be that important to someone
i got the kiss, i got the kiss

you wanna see me just change, change, change
you wanna love me just rearranged
i wanna see you just smile at me, yeah
no corrections, no complaints

everything i want to do i got inside of me, side of me
everything i got to do i got in front of me, front of me
i got this
i got it on my own

i wanna be right square in the moment
meditating like it’s buddha night
but i don’t think it’s desire that’s killing us
it’s the taint of self denial

i wanna lose all that shame shame shame
i want the power all rearranged
i wanna see a true partnership, yeah
all connected, not the same

everything i want to do i got inside of me, side of me
everything i got to do i got in front of me, front of me
i got this
i got it on my own

i wanna show you the light my sunshine
i wanna teach you how to be unsure
i wanna hold out my hand to you
show you things you’ve never seen before

i wanna see us both change change change
thinking so hard it hurts our brains
i wanna see you just smile at me, yeah
no corrections, no complaints

everything i want to do i got inside of me, side of me
everything i got to do i got in front of me, front of me
i got this
i got it on my own

(everything i want, i got
everything i want, i got
i got this)

less than three

everyone’s saying the same words to each other
different permutations of an old conversation
everyone’s throwing up their hands
ready to take the blame

i’ve got a car & you don’t have a plan so
i’mma drive around some & see what happens
i’m gonna throw up my hands
leave it all to fate

only when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when does the world start to make sense again?
when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when do i see you again?

i’m gonna tell you the next time i see you
thoughts that rearranged themselves inside my head relating to you
i’m gonna tell you all the things you thought you already knew

i’ve got a plan & it might not be a good one
but it beats whatever else i might be doing anyway
the more i drive around, the more i know what to say

i say when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when does the world start to make sense again?
when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when do i see you again?

don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car

i’ve got a car & you’ve got a CD
full of pretty songs about which you wanna tell me
i know it’s true ’cause that is the story of me & you

but when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when does the world start to make sense again?
when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when do i see you again?

don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car

eyes of gray

time won’t do it alone you’ve gotta learn to heal yourself
look into the mirror don’t wait for someone else
you gotta wanna talk to yourself like your best friend
you gotta take yourself in hand
the future is now; don’t wait for starting bells

come on, princess, gotta try today
the sun’s shining but your eyes are gray
don’t give it all away
go on take some for yourself
babe you know you do it too well

don’t feel weird baby you always were the one
if you’re going crazy it might as well be fun
you gotta wanna step up like your knight in shining armor
never did, leaving you to your dragons
& dragons ain’t so bad, they sail into the sun

come on, princess, gotta try today
the sun’s shining but your eyes are gray
don’t give it all away
go on take some for yourself
babe you know you do it too well

you know how to treat somebody right
even the people you don’t like
you give them too much time & then you wonder why
turn your gray eyes on your sweet beating heart
doesn’t she deserve a new start?

whoa whoa whoa, with eyes of gray
(so try today, so try today)
whoa whoa whoa, with eyes of gray

come on, princess, gotta try today
the sun’s shining but your eyes are gray
don’t give it all away
go on take some for yourself
babe you know you do it too

well, my dear
you’ve got the whole world waiting for you here
just think what you could be
baby if you set yourself free

vulture

i got a vulture in my heart
feeds on pain she feeds on scars
tries to make me think we’re one & the same
but i am not i am not i am not i am not you
i am not i am not i am not i am not

oh mother, the sky is calling me
what else could i do?
oh father, i held on long as i could
but the choking loyalty
i had to let it go too

i learned it before i had words to say no
i learned it slipping under my skin in the summer
& i built myself around the paradox
but i am not i am not i am not i am not you
i am not i am not i am not i am not

oh mother, i’m sorry
i don’t know what to give you
oh father, i’m trying anyway
’cause i learned that from you
but i had to let it go too

what do these words mean to you, what do these words mean:
a bridge & a bird & a diamond at its throat
& the glittering stone keeps it close to the boat
& the sun goes down every day around 3
& it rains & it storms & it pours
& the bird don’t ever break free
though it is not held by a leash
& the grey wrapping up your mind
i do not intend to make mine

oh mother, the sky is calling me
what else could i do?
oh father, it’s waiting there for me
& i can only do
what i can do

sincerely live

and if so

maybe i love a lie
maybe i heard it ’till i thought it was true
i don’t know why
i want to be broken into like the berlin wall

i want to know, do you mean it when you sing your songs like that
and if so, how do you hide it when you aren’t singing?

i want to be your faerie princess
i tell myself i know better
dress myself up like women do
i like the way it makes me feel, and i wonder about that

i want to know why my heart was made for harshest winter
and where it goes, when it’s summer and the lovely weather

drags me underground and i can’t get out
and i’m so alone, and i’m so alone

i want to know why
we as a species set ourselves up
with inhuman standards and scenes and labels
’till all we have left in common is we don’t feel like we fit

i want to know, is it better to be dumb and play along?
and if so, why even normal people don’t seem happy

i want to know how your god’s gonna work it all out in heaven
and where you go, when you get there, and you still don’t fit in

convenient

but i know what i am to you
don’t think i can’t see right through your kindness too
convenient is my middle name

so take me out to dinner i will be touched by the gesture & forget
if i had a problem, do you ever feel like you are
in another country speaking french & every now & then
you think of something that’s in english, but it doesn’t last for long
so yeah, let’s play another couple hands & talk about the hazards of drinking
but i won’t actually do any, i don’t want to be off my balance with you

’cause i know what our friendship means
i know just how much help a willing ride can be
i already know what you’re gonna say, so you don’t have to tell me, see
convenient is my middle name

so tell me what has happened
in your own words, in your own words, i wanna know
what you think this means to me &
all it doesn’t mean to you, when you say
hey what happened happened & the past is in the past
even five minutes ago, hey ain’t that why it’s called five minutes ago

when you said baby would you
keep quiet for just five minutes
so i can turn it around so i am the victim
keep quiet for just five minutes
so i can make it so we always were at war with
east asia & always were allied with eurasia
& your nature, baby, makes it easier for me

but i know what i am to you
don’t think i can’t see right through your kindness too
convenient is my middle name

i will keep quiet so you can have the satisfaction
knowing that this has ended politely
so you can go home & fake admit to your mommy
she was right about me, see

i know what i am to you
don’t think i can’t see right through your kindness too
i know everything, i know everything, that i do for you
convenient is my middle name

silence ends

what is this attraction to the edge of violence?
what is this bruised obsession all tied up in romance?
you could call me flattered, but it’s more that I’m intrigued by the intensity
you could call my name or you could let me see the notes you keep on me

i lie awake in bed
and let the soreness build up in my back

what are you ruled by now?
where does it all fit in when the story ends?
what are you offering?
where does it all fit in when the silence ends?

now in these blues and greens cast by the sunlight
i must consider my sanity in mornings to come
you could call me simple, but it’s more that I know too well how things can disappear
you could call my name or you could let me know you aren’t going anywhere

i lie awake in bed
and let the discontent keep me there

what are you ruled by now?
where does it all fit in when the story ends?
what are you offering?
where does it all fit in when the silence ends?

i lie awake in bed
and i am smart enough to know what i need

what are you ruled by now?
where does it all fit in when the story ends?
what are you offering?
where does it all fit in when the silence ends?

pants on fire

one dolla one dolla my heart your hands let’s go, let’s go
i wasn’t pretending i really didn’t know
and i know you know i didn’t know and we both know that makes you a liar
but if you wanna play games with words just go

you’re burning up
your pants are on fire

and where do you get off? i feel it too, my heart beats too, i’m crying too
where do you get off? it’s not just you, this is real blood, i’m dying too

and i wrote you folk songs sent you pieces of my heart through cell phone towers
and you were where you were the whole damn time
and i felt so bad for feeling bad for missing you for everything
and everything turned out to be a lie

you’re burning up
your pants are on fire

and where do you get off? i feel it too, my heart beats too, i’m crying too
where do you get off? it’s not just you, this is real blood, i’m dying too

i’m gonna build a time machine into your head into your head
’cause i would like to know what you were thinking
i’m gonna build a time machine into your head into your head
’cause i would like to know what you were thinking

what were you thinking? what were you thinking?
what were you thinking? what were you thinking?

one dolla one dolla my heart my heart let’s go let’s go
it’ll all come back to me i hope
’cause i don’t know how to be suspicious don’t know how to call out signs
i just know how to pack my car and go

the weather

they’re giving out diagnoses like they’re halloween candy
they’re building a market & a nation of addicts
& we all owe our smiles to the company

all dressed up & no one to care about
you ask me how the job is going
it’s going, it’s going, don’t worry, i say

so how d’you deal with the weather up here?
it’s always bright & a little frenetic
it’s always dry & cool & clear
it always makes my heart beat off beat

& i’m flipping off the guy on the subway who’s angry
’cause men walk down the street with other men
he says, “god is pissed, & he’s coming, he’s coming…”

& on the train with nice shoes & shiny nails
something in your hair to make it stay like that
you look sharp & ready, so i guess the pills are working

so how d’you deal with the weather up here?
it’s always bright & a little frenetic
it’s always dry & cool & clear
it always makes my heart beat off beat

it’s always sunshine
earlier & earlier these days
can’t you see it baby, this is what you get for being so good
sunshine, sunshine
can’t you see it, keep trying, keep trying

it must be you
it must be you
we all can see it
it must be you

so how d’you deal with the weather up here?
it’s always bright & a little frenetic
it’s always dry & cool & clear
it always makes my heart beat off beat

this is not a love song

misha tells me that envy gets me
nowhere, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do

i must have made you up inside my head, no one who plays that way ever appears near me
if i show up asking who’s that jerk playing blackbird it is
only out of some ilk of jealousy, you are playing just for yourself out here
you sound serene, & here i am, so lame
listening for you

oh, i am so not grounded
calm me down, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do

i want you
i want you wherever you are…
skittish me, this not a love song
this is just a way that i am in
i don’t even know what i want

oh, i am so not grounded
calm me down, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do
& everyone has days like these
calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do

<3

everyone’s saying the same words to each other
different permutations of an old conversation
everyone’s throwing up their hands
ready to take the blame

i’ve got a car & you don’t have a plan so
i’mma drive around some & see what happens
i’m gonna throw up my hands
leave it all to fate

only when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when does the world start to make sense again?
when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when do i see you again?

i’m gonna tell you the next time i see you
thoughts that rearranged themselves inside my head relating to you
i’m gonna tell you all the things you thought you already knew

i’ve got a plan & it might not be a good one
but it beats whatever else i might be doing anyway
the more i drive around, the more i know what to say

i say when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when does the world start to make sense again?
when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when do i see you again?

don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car
don’t worry baby, you make it an art
you bring the music, i got the car

i’ve got a car & you’ve got a CD
full of pretty songs about which you wanna tell me
i know it’s true ’cause that is the story of me & you

but when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when does the world start to make sense again?
when does it end, when does it end, when does it end?
when do i see you again?

milk

hard to tell if it is you or everybody else
but you are a numbers man and the numbers are against you
so you lied to us to facilitate lying to yourself
didn’t work out all that well but you seem to have convinced you

when it comes down to it and they’re handing out pills
with the milk, will you be on line and grateful

housewives on amphetamines again
every couple generations an epidemic sweeps the nation
she can’t seem to concentrate
doesn’t bother to do her face, she stays in bed, she sleeps real late
doesn’t want to be this way
doctor i am falling apart, is there something i can take

when it comes down to it and they’re handing out pills
with the milk, now i lay me down to sleep, so young

will you remember me
and see what could have been
and in the morning will it all seem like a nightmare again

when will i get over this
i see what could have been
and i’m just glad that i got out while there still was gettin’

when will i get over this
i see what could have been
and i’m just glad that i got out while there still was gettin’

when it comes down to it and they’re handing out pills
with the milk, will you be on line and grateful

when it comes down to it and they’re handing out pills
with the milk, now i lay me down to sleep, so young

my little heart

oh oh my little heart is doing just fine
oh oh this ones for you
and only i
would do it like this
and I know you like it

so you’re going to tell me that you’re as easy to read
as all that
always gets me right here
you’re not going to tell me
but your leaving like me
for your own little reasons
and I get more tongue tied
the further I get from my one drink tonight
but there’s so much here to distract myself with
don’t worry baby I got it

oh oh my little heart is doing just fine
oh oh this one’s for you
and only i
would do it like this
and I know you like it

so i wrote a song about you
just to call you baby
what you gonna do about it now
but you wont catch me running from you
im so sorry Im busy
all these important things demand my attention

oh oh my little heart is doing just fine
oh oh this one’s for you
and only i
would do it like this
and I know you like it

this is all i know, this is all i need
i’ll just keep banging my guitar until you look at me
this is my whole life and it’s charging on
and you sure have those eyes but I sure have this song

oh oh my little heart is doing just fine
oh oh this one’s for you
and only i…

this is all i know, this is all i need
i’ll just keep banging my guitar until you look at me
this is my whole life and it’s charging on
and you sure have those eyes but I sure have this song

home is where the heart is

i got older, this year, this year, than any other year

i don’t care, you know, if it hurts you
that you’ve turned me inside out
i don’t care if you think i should be gone forever and i won’t leave you alone
to rewrite history
it shouldn’t be this easy
to erase me

i’ve been so homesick
and home is where the heart is, home is where the heart is
and i am adrift
and that’s the way i like it, that’s the only way i like it now

i don’t care if she is prettier or skinnier or other
things that make me cry
i don’t care ’cause it’s still easy to be nice, and anyway it shouldn’t make me
cry
when i know that i
am better than this

i’ve been so homesick
and home is where the heart is, home is where the heart is
and i am adrift
and that’s the way i like it, that’s the only way i like it now

tell me that i am running away again when you’re hiding from me
tell me how you can’t trust anyone when you’re lying to me
tell me that thing you tell me with your eyes every time they look at me
my heart is drowning in the inconsistency
my heart is drowning in the inconsistency
my heart is drowning in the inconsistency

i’ve been so homesick
and home is where the heart is, home is where the heart is
and i am adrift
and that’s the way i like it, that’s the only way i like it now

i’ve been so homesick
and home is where the heart is, home is where the heart is
and i am adrift
and that’s the way i like it, that’s the only way i like it now

girl robot

something about squeaky wheels getting grease
and i am still running on a flat flat flat
can’t figure out what it is that you see in me
but you sure aren’t seeing that

i am outside and i can’t get in
i’m the creep at the window looking in
looking in

and i am the phone call after the fight
and i’m trying to talk you through through through
and i’m giving up on myself for tonight
’cause it’s obvious there’s no room, and somehow I’m

still the bad guy on the outside looking in
I’m the creep on the subway crying
crying

here the summer comes again
what have we learned from this?
i’m walking around fine
like my feelings don’t exist

i’m your girl robot, baby
no blood, just circuitry
so don’t worry, it’s fine
if it’s too much for you to help me

i am outside and i can’t get in
i’m the creep at the window looking in
i’m the bad guy on the outside looking in
i’m the robot on the subway crying
crying

sincere

& you think i don’t mind when you say
that all those boys on the radio need to learn how to play
& you think that your hubris is so justified
’cause you’re so indie, you’re so undiscovered, you’re so male, therefore so self-satisfied

i don’t know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can’t see you
& i don’t want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& you say the unadorned human body is such a beautiful thing
yeah, then you snicker, then you make it ugly, & i’m supposed to laugh or something
& you talk about sex like i’m supposed to think i’m weird, so i get
to feel weird for not thinking that you’re weird, how fucked up is that, then you offer me a cigarette

i don’t know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can’t see you
& i don’t want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& if you like me now, it won’t be on my own terms
& when i see you on friday, i’ll smile but i won’t know half what to say
but something will surely take over, it’s dreadful, but i’ll sound sincere when i say

yeah, i like your new song a lot
yeah we should do something together sometime, yeah, why the hell not?
& everything everything you’ve been saying to me so far
has been leading up to this beautiful moment, so free of faux pas
so free of something real

i don’t know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can’t see you
& i don’t want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& when i see you on friday, i’ll smile but i won’t know half what to say
but something will surely take over, it’s dreadful, but i’ll sound sincere when i say…

pennsylvania

sit, stare at the windshield
dressed to impress
singing to stay sane & drive
like there’s no tomorrow
want to go back east
want to spend tonight in pennsylvania with you

but today i am working
not making money
i’ve given my notice & am
looking for something that’s new & yet the same
something with a long drive
singing to stay sane
& drive like there’s no tomorrow
want to go back east
want to spend tonight in pennsylvania with you

but you have to study
you have to find a job
just like me, so a trip
is out of the question
& anyway it wouldn’t be the same
once we stopped being on our way
cause 80 is my in-between place
it’s my getting somewhere
my letting the journey do the thinking for me
& life is just road & arby’s fries
that you feed to me
as i drive…

oh, & that’s where i was, all this time,
in pennsylvania, i was driving i was driving
conveniently letting it slip my mind
there’s more to my life
than interstate 80

& pulled up to my new apartment
made some new friends
took my work home with me & drove
like there was no tomorrow
never knowing why
it was the only time i let myself think
& now, now, you have to study
i have to find a job
but i’ll come home tonight, find pennsylvania
with you

if you teach a bird to sing

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn how to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

you think you’ve got it,
cage of brass & a lock & a key
you think she’s too dumb to set herself free
but the fact that you’re locking her up shows you’re the dummy

you think you’re all of that & a bag full of chips
but you’ve gotta control just to get your kicks
& the fact that you like it like that shows you’re the dummy

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn how to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

singing is 50% confidence
& when i’m confident i won’t be content
just to hang around & be your pretty little plaything

& you try to pretend it’s the way that i am
that i’m built this way, just to wanna please
but i’ve got some ideas of my own that don’t include you

’cause i see sky out my window
& the sun is rising rising rising
just like i will

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

if you teach a bird to sing she’s gonnna learn how to fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly
if you let her sing, she’s gonna fly away

& i see sky out my window
& the sun is rising rising rising
just like i will

american daydream encore

i don’t care what you say to me
it’s easy it’s easy it’s easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

these conversations have been telling in many ways
but they are not pushing me closer to my goals
& this pile of parking tickets & bills in my face
are making me think i should just do as i’m told

i don’t care what you say to me
it’s easy it’s easy it’s easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

five, six, seven, eight, i can think of better ways
to make me like you, than to tell me that i’m pretty
one, two, three, four, i’m not gonna fall for
any of this because i know myself too well

these american bad boys think they’ve got one over on me
they come with their red sharpies to make editor’s marks on my body

i don’t care what you say to me
it’s easy it’s easy it’s easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

i don’t care what you say to me
it’s easy it’s easy it’s easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from this

fall to feel it

how do we feel about awkward as the word of the day?
is it making your brain and your words go away?
do you feel naked and unprepared
like you’re faking and oh so scared
you’ll be found out, but it takes you away
yeah it takes you away

gotta fall to feel it, i got it i got it now
gonna get get get it right this
t t t t tiiime

i feel it, i got it i got it now
gonna get get get it right this
t t t t tiiime

do you remember when the train felt like a journey,
not just the MTA taking your money
do you remember when you had the time
to grow and not feel guilty
at how it takes you away
it takes you away

gotta fall to feel it, i got it i got it now
gonna get get get it right this
t t t t tiiime

i feel it, i got it i got it now
gonna get get get it right this
t t t t tiiime

new york’s still got it
still bigger and cooler than reality
and i think i might still have it,
like when i was younger, the energy
it takes you away
it takes you away

gotta fall to feel it, i got it i got it now
gonna get get get it right this
t t t t tiiime

i feel it, i got it i got it now
gonna get get get it right this
t t t t tiiime

wish upon a bottlecap

american daydream

this american daydream wrapped me up in gauze & paint
it gave me a relapse, said i liked it better that way
& that may be true i thought but it shouldn’t be that way
so where do i go with the ripped IV dangling from my vein?

i don’t care what you say to me
it’s easy it’s easy it’s easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

these conversations have been telling in many ways
but they are not pushing me closer to my goals
& this pile of parking tickets & bills in my face
are making me think i should just do as i’m told

i don’t care what you say to me
it’s easy it’s easy it’s easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

five, six, seven, eight, i can think of better ways
to make me like you, than to tell me that i’m pretty
one, two, three, four, i’m not gonna fall for
any of this because i know myself too well

these american bad boys think they’ve got one over on me
they come with their red sharpies to make editor’s marks on my body

i don’t care what you say to me
it’s easy it’s easy it’s easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from

i don’t care what you say to me
it’s easy it’s easy it’s easy
to walk away, to walk away, to walk away from this

quick diagnosis

& when i cried that day
it did not reflect the greater need to medicate
it was because i was thinking
& conclusions sometimes hurt

for an eighth grade girl who’s just beginning to realize
that just ’cause something’s stupid doesn’t mean that it’s not there
just ’cause i don’t need to be pretty doesn’t mean i don’t care
just ’cause everyone goes through it doesn’t mean that i’m not there

& then the theories came
after invitations to unburden myself on you
because i could tell you anything
you said that i could tell you anything

but i like the rain so it must mean that i’m lonely
and the need for pain must mean that it’s the only
thing that i wanna feel like it was an addiction
because self-exploration is sometimes an affliction

& the tv & the magazines all say
you can make it all just go away
seems like you need something to get you through the day
& isn’t that just what you meant to say?
so are you ready to give yourself up now?

oh generation of
guinea pigs, of blind compliance
with a quick diagnosis
& an easier fix

i sing requiems for what we might’ve been but
we’re not too concerned

& my newly sparkling friends all say
you can make it all just go away
just when you needed something to get you through the day &
isn’t that just what you meant to say?
are you ready to give yourself up now?

& echoes of fairy tales you heard when you were
just this age, believe what they’re saying to you
believe the sugar water’s gonna make it better
believe the leeches will suck the sick from my blood
am i ready to give myself up now?

& you say in the morning
you’ll see how everything looks so much better in daylight
it’s a sunny day tomorrow
just the kind you’ll learn to like

overthrown in seconds

& the sky’s the wrong color
11:30 is so different from 1 or 2 & it’s throwing me off
& babylon’s so beautiful, always think i want to live here
then i think of the train ride & how easy it would be
i can’t keep making decisions
based on being close to someone
sacrificing what i want to be there

baby misses me tonight, said he wishes i could stay forever
yeah & i don’t get it: i am nothing but what i am for others
& i don’t wanna talk about it
i am overthrown government
better that he not find out yet

always walking to the car, i feel the map like second skin
but it’s a pleasant human moment when you give me bad directions
& i find myself planning
what will just happen to be playing
when i drive you to buy coffee, for me

baby misses me tonight, said she doesn’t expect to be lovers
but there’s an offer on the table, if i want when i start feeling better
& i don’t wanna talk about it
i am overthrown in seconds
better that she not find out yet

so where’s the line, my precious line
i think it’s time to be straight with you, so i hope you really want me to
but your manner is begging me to lie
i’ve been dancing, baby, since i started hanging out with you so

if this is me coming clean
then dirty is so relative
i said intent here means nothing
& you misinterpreted
there goes my chance to
gracelessly damn myself for you

baby misses me tonight, if history is any indication
& i can never make it right, only worsen the situation

baby misses me tonight, & i’ll never understand completely
’cause there’s no room for me in my mind, so to want me is to misread me
& i don’t wanna talk about it
writhe around on failed intentions
i am overthrown in seconds

you are my sunshine

how can you mean what you sing
when you won’t say things to me worth meaning
i struggle to keep up, i try not to earn
your looks of confusion, throughout conversation
i always let you down

& you’re my sunshine tonight, & the dark’s
where i feel most at home
& i scream & shout just to catch you off guard
in hopes i catch a glimpse of you in the dark
i always say it’s because i’m crazy
but i don’t really mean it unless you really believe me
i always say things that i never mean
in hopes you see through me

now whose example is that, baby?
you won’t let me in again now

& now the night is upon us,
meaning so much more to me than it reasonably should
murky waters & your songs & your kindness are all mixed down to fuck me up
& everyone’s falling all over themselves to say nice things to me,
& i don’t comprehend it
i always let you down
i always go home let down

now who can live by the skies, baby?
why should i think clouds & stars are enough to fill in happy
in the blanks

i…
you’re my sunshine tonight & i am running around with umbrella at ready
whose problem is that; whose problem has any of this ever been really
i always say it’s because i’m crazy
but i don’t really mean it unless you really believe me
i always say things that i never mean
but these things they get away from me

now whose example is that, baby?
you won’t let me in again now…

too smart

i’m singing harmonies to an old song,
any old song, it don’t matter
thinking of the car, tegan & sara,
& waking up with you hard against me

& the window that i stare at rolls the evening on by
like nothing ever happens & time just passes by
& i’m thinking i have friends here, & these people somewhat know me
& i sidestep conversation so i don’t have to feel the truth

i’m too smart to believe
i’m too smart not to see
i’m not too smart to grieve

& the pages of my notebook filling up with my selfishness
& it’s true all i could think of was who’s gonna make me feel better now?
i know how to get attention now, & it’s killing my hope
i know how to be good to you but i don’t want to make myself into a chump

i’m too smart to believe
i’m too smart not to see
i’m not too smart to bleed

& i wasn’t always crazy; i saw magic in the subways
i saw the best minds of my generation succumb
to numbness & lipstick
to post-feminism
to post-everything

we’re too smart to believe
we’re too smart to feel free
we’re too smart to do a goddamn thing about anything
we take it lying down we take it cracking jokes

& i’m singing harmonies to an old song
any old song it don’t matter
thinking of the car, tegan & sara
& waking up next to you

i will call this sentimental
i will write down that i miss you
that’s as far as i am willing to go

tsunami

if the tsunami were to hit
a year or two from now
me on the road you here at home, i would be orphaned
i would hole up in pittsburgh
california with my last friends
i would be haunted by the ocean

& still alive, i would scatter myself across the sea
in hopes that the particles that once were you & me
would find each other

& on the shores of fire island
i will find religion in your breath
& i won’t know how or why or what it means
but it will be all there is for me
& that’s why you can’t leave
confiscate your car & legs but it wouldn’t work

love you so much that it hurts
love you so much that it hurts
love you so much that it hurts

& in the morning, trapped inside our offices like ghosts
cement, across long island, connecting us somehow beneath our feet

if the tsunami were to hit
the middle of last night
so much to lose, so much left undone
but we would be each other’s last words
bodies tangled up in the water
trapped inside this room for years
correct for the explorers

love you so much that it hurts
love you so much that it hurts
love you so much that it hurts

gray starlight

how does it feel to mean it this time?
desperate today wafts into desperate tonight
oh & there was no “oh, how the years go”
“glad that you’re back” on your side
you are distracted & distressed & i am killing-time

& tonight beckons tomorrow night
closer now but without the eye contact
nothing like feeling all right

& while we are on the subject of patterns
why don’t i throw off my whole life for you
why don’t i just stop thinking, & just give to you
into the morning
& where are my feelings now that i’m home in bed?

& tonight beckons tomorrow night
history i thought i had right
nothing like feeling all right

i’d like to welcome you to your new mythology
’cause you’re still mine & i’m still all empathy
& you’re feeling so much that there’s no room left for me
& you’re feeling so much that there’s no room left for me

& tonight beckons tomorrow night
closer now but without the fireworks
nothing like feeling all right

tonight beckons tomorrow night
colder now in the gray starlight
nothing like feeling all right

sincere

you said I like the middle one best
& I said thank you & your eyes are brown, & I forget what comes next
but unfazed you spend the evening making jokes
comparing different brands of cigarettes & i never tell you that I don’t smoke
so now you think i do

& you think i don’t mind when you say
that all those boys on the radio need to learn how to play
& you think that your hubris is so justified
’cause you’re so indie, you’re so undiscovered, you’re so male, therefore so self-satisfied

i don’t know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can’t see you
& i don’t want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& you say the unadorned human body is such a beautiful thing
yeah, then you snicker, then you make it ugly, & i’m supposed to laugh or something
& you talk about sex like i’m supposed to think i’m weird, so i get
to feel weird for not thinking that you’re weird, how fucked up is that, then you offer me a cigarette

i don’t know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can’t see you
& i don’t want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& if you like me now, it won’t be on my own terms
& when i see you on friday, i’ll smile but i won’t know half what to say
but something will surely take over, it’s dreadful, but i’ll sound sincere when i say

yeah, i like your new song a lot
yeah we should do something together sometime, yeah, why the hell not?
& everything everything you’ve been saying to me so far
has been leading up to this beautiful moment, so free of faux pas
so free of something real

i don’t know why you think you can see me through
all of this trying, when i can’t see you
& i don’t want to change myself for you
but i do & i do & i do & i do & i do

& when i see you on friday, i’ll smile but i won’t know half what to say
but something will surely take over, it’s dreadful, but i’ll sound sincere when i say…

convenient

why don’t you cry about it, always works, i will do anything to fix
lie about it, biggest perk, i am walking benefit of doubt
you want so badly for me to feel the same way you do now &
i know, i know what it is to love to be in someone’s presence
& later hate their guts for it

but i know what i am to you
don’t think i can’t see right through your kindness too
convenient is my middle name

so take me out to dinner i will be touched by the gesture & forget
if i had a problem, do you ever feel like you are
in another country speaking french & every now & then
you think of something that’s in english, but it doesn’t last for long
so yeah, let’s play another couple hands & talk about the hazards of drinking
but i won’t actually do any, i don’t want to be off my balance with you

’cause i know what our friendship means
i know just how much help a willing ride can be
i already know what you’re gonna say, so you don’t have to tell me, see
convenient is my middle name

so tell me what has happened
in your own words, in your own words, i wanna know
what you think this means to me &
all it doesn’t mean to you, when you say
hey what happened happened & the past is in the past
even five minutes ago, hey ain’t that why it’s called five minutes ago

when you said baby would you
keep quiet for just five minutes
so i can turn it around so i am the victim
keep quiet for just five minutes
so i can make it so we always were at war with
east asia & always were allied with eurasia
& your nature, baby, makes it easier for me

but i know what i am to you
don’t think i can’t see right through your kindness too
convenient is my middle name

i will keep quiet so you can have the satisfaction
knowing that this has ended politely
so you can go home & fake admit to your mommy
she was right about me, see

i know what i am to you
don’t think i can’t see right through your kindness too
i know everything, i know everything, that i do for you
convenient is my middle name

this is not a love song

i tuned my guitar down for you
you know i envy your ability to make the whole world disappear, except for you & your song
i envy your ability to speak & act your mind, & play piano like you do, & i
envy your ability to not be afraid of anyone who interests
you & here i am, so lame
writing about you

misha tells me that envy gets me
nowhere, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do

i must have made you up inside my head, no one who plays that way ever appears near me
if i show up asking who’s that jerk playing blackbird it is
only out of some ilk of jealousy, you are playing just for yourself out here
you sound serene, & here i am, so lame
listening for you

oh, i am so not grounded
calm me down, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do

i want you
i want you wherever you are…
skittish me, this not a love song
this is just a way that i am in
i don’t even know what i want

oh, i am so not grounded
calm me down, calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do
& everyone has days like these
calm me down, turn me on, turn me on like you do
like you do

pennsylvania

sit, stare at the windshield
dressed to impress
singing to stay sane & drive
like there’s no tomorrow
want to go back east
want to spend tonight in pennsylvania with you

but today i am working
not making money
i’ve given my notice & am
looking for something that’s new & yet the same
something with a long drive
singing to stay sane
& drive like there’s no tomorrow
want to go back east
want to spend tonight in pennsylvania with you

but you have to study
you have to find a job
just like me, so a trip
is out of the question
& anyway it wouldn’t be the same
once we stopped being on our way
cause 80 is my in-between place
it’s my getting somewhere
my letting the journey do the thinking for me
& life is just road & arby’s fries
that you feed to me
as i drive…

oh, & that’s where i was, all this time,
in pennsylvania, i was driving i was driving
conveniently letting it slip my mind
there’s more to my life
than interstate 80

& pulled up to my new apartment
made some new friends
took my work home with me & drove
like there was no tomorrow
never knowing why
it was the only time i let myself think
& now, now, you have to study
i have to find a job
but i’ll come home tonight, find pennsylvania
with you

shining tonight

call me by my full name again
call me by my song’s name pretend
you are so excited by me
just so i can breathe

the way the moon is shining tonight
looming possibilities of all right, so
how than can i alter this night
so i can feel small again

the bubble that prevents perceptions of near
the reeking of the honesty in here
the words that make it so freaking clear
just what we are dealing with here
which you may pretend not to hear, it’s
easier for all concerned

the way the moon is shining tonight
looming possibilities of all right, so
how than can i alter this night
so i can feel small again

ground me like an electrical outlet
my feet must have been on the ground
why didn’t i use it
the out of control the bathroom time talking to’s
and where is the togetherness that i cling to
and why can’t you just read me like i can’t read you

the way the moon is shining tonight
looming possibilities of all right, so
how than can i alter this night
so i can feel small again

call me by my full name again
call me by my song’s name pretend
you are so excited by me
just so i can breathe

autumn has gone: early acoustic tracks

autumn

autumn has come
autumn has gone
did you blink and fail to catch my shooting star act
count me among
the well-known no ones now

how far can you go in five months
how far can you take me in one voicemail mentor
we’re both here for the same reasons
but you do it so much better than me

we are all alike in that we aspire to be on sale
we are your mainstream variety we are
hot topic, we are upscale
vintage, we are newport news
depending on your mood

we resent the system
that gives us our ambition
we don’t see the irony
there is no celebrity
in a third-world country

and we can turn our smiles on and off like vibrators now
and you are so together when you sing;
i let myself go and it works for me that way
we both long for someone at home we can show our true faces to
but we fear we’ll forget how to make them by the end of the day, we:
commercials for ourselves
commercials for ourselves

and you say i look nice tonight ’cause i look nice tonight (i think)
still, when i catch you off-guard you flounder for the right words
i long to know what you think
i long to know that you think
i long to talk to you eye to eye, man to man
but i don’t think it’s gonna happen
still we both know, we both know why i look nice tonight

commercials for ourselves
we’re both here for the same reason
but you do it so much better than me

one false move

why talk about it, desperation always had to wait
and this is just like every other day, the fact
that it’s the morning makes me want to cry even less
’cause it will make my eyes hurt and it will negate any rest
i got last night between bad dreams and waking you from yours

why can’t i quit when i’m not ahead but
not so significantly behind
why do i need my favorite books that
do these things to me and take my mind
away to where it’s normal to be so passionate, so passionate
and feel all the pain associated with it

when it’s really just a weekday morning
and the way to succeed is by not having feelings
so pretend to ignore them and act like it’s the normal thing
just to talk about how our cars do in the snow, not really think about anything
then i come home and this flood awaits me, ’cause

i can’t leave well enough alone, i was sad
just loud enough to wake you up last night so
i thought of bringing i-love-you-roses home but
didn’t know what you’d think
’cause this is the world and this is a fantasy book
and this is the line i keep tripping over
and you’re on the real side and I try and dance everywhere
and it isn’t working, but i’ve got some good songs, so…

i’ll be your ragdoll if you
hold me close and say you love me at night
brush my hair every which way and say
it’s the most beautiful thing that you’ve ever seen
you know i have this idea if i act like i’m a little kid in front of you
you’ll think there’s something big and strong underneath
but i can’t keep it up if every time i say something i mean
you’re laughing and messing up my hair on me, so…

why talk about it, one false move and i am one of my
histrionic friends with black-dyed hair and lousy poetry
that you hate so much and i pretend that i do too
for fear you’ll laugh at me

’cause this is the real world and this is east village saturdays
and this is the line i’m dying to trip over
and you’re on the real side and i try to dance everywhere
and it just screws me up, but i’ve got some good songs, so…